I was never good at math.

Or understanding chart graph thing-a-ma-bobs.

Playing Blackjack TERRIFIES me. Too much on the spot addition.

I don’t gamble in general because comprehending odds is …. incomprehensible.

And statistics, make me mad.

I understand that sometimes statistics urge people into action, usually by making them mad  - “I will not end up a statistic!”.

But I think, in general, statistics are for the very young and hardy.

Here’s why.

Statistically speaking I am a total loser.

I don’t have a career. I am a 42 year old women with only a high school diploma and some college (mostly theater classes so they don’t really count).

In my savings account there is $29.69. The typical American household (headed by a 43 year old) has just over $18,000 in savings.

No health insurance.

Not a homeowner.

No children (don’t get me started on the statistics about having a baby over 40).

On paper, my future looks pretty damn dim at best.

And if you listen to the numbers about the economy, and the deficit, and the big scary scariness of it all – my soul crumbles a little bit.

So I am choosing not to believe the stats, about anything.

I have to believe in something else.

I am choosing to believe in birds.

And trees.

And miracles.

I am choosing to believe that nobody has statistics on how many 42 year old women climb trees and get to watch a flock of little yellow birds catching bugs just feet from their heads.

A Townsend's Warbler

And no one has measured the magic that experience creates.

The incredible invigorating liberating energy that surges up in my being.

No one has calculated the effect of astonishing beauty on my cells. Or my soul.

I will not graph my life.

I will believe, instead, in the perfect unfolding of my statistically “nightmarish” life.

I will believe in energy, and desires, and infinite possibilities.

I will believe in my ability to create, in spite of the odds.

I will believe in the deliciousness of my life because, when I woke up this morning, I had no idea what the birds had in store for me and neither did anyone else.